QUIET !!!

Still insomnia... yesterday i'm sick and still... so what i have to do ? my eyes won't closed... actually i am tired because i never sleep at night for a month, just like a vampire... but what can i do ?

what today's now ? the seventh day if he won't call me...
rasanya jadi diem itu susah...

maybe, it's gonna be easy if i delete his number, because i don't remember his number and i'm not trying yet...

ok, i'll start with open my phonebook, rolls to J for Jelek then i press delete...

done.

So i'll not wish he would call me anymore...

wkwkwkw...

the deal is he ask me to not call him anymore... he wanna be so quiet then what i do it's just make his wish come true...

hahaha...

it's not a big deal if he choose to forget me, my bestest friend did, my close friend did... and if he forget me now, it's not a big deal... one by one they will...

i am just a shadow, and shadow would left behind and that's what exactly they done to me...

i'm not crying. i'm not regreted.

my tears are frozen to my deepest heart, make me feel guilty for many years then i'll die in suffer...

what i'm looking for? it just like loving a beast *me*, the unkind and a liar... untamed girl... looks like i'm a bad girl...

i'm a bad girl, playing with somebody's heart then confused to return their heart...

"We will always be together."
and i'm afraid if i'm no longer his mate. i'm afraid that he has already forget me for his good... i'm afraid if he happy and i'm suffer... but just remember what i've done to him, it's balance!

"If i'm her mate, then she would be mine, once again."
i'm afraid if she is. then maybe you'll gonna laugh because you ever think that you belong to me. i'm not good enough then i'm looking for a bad guy, not ordinary bad guy, only bad for my own sake...

"For a while."
i'm afraid if a while like what you mean is for few years. i'm afraid so. then what i have to do? then i'll loose you ?

you know, if i know that you're not serious to me, i will not let you in. i'll make you away from me. i thought that it was your pleasure, unconditional... if it's going to be like this, then... what i have to do?

forget isn't a simple choice.

remember isn't a good option.

leave maybe would hurt me inside, but it's better... better than live with conditional love.

i'll leave...
i'm not asking you to stop me...
just fade away...
i'm your shadow and you're mine...
thousand steps would left behind... i'll fly when i know i can...
i'm not going to run couse it's make me tired...
i'm not going to stand couse it's make me nothing...
i'll just walked away... walked to another way, fading as far as i can...

you know, when you say you wanna be so quiet, i remember my old fucking teacher, she said, "QUIET !!!" loudly to me... i feel so dissapointed couse i think i'm quiet enough, that's exactly what i feel when you say, "Quiet."
i hear it loudly from your heart.