When you choose someone the same like me

Before, someone i love maybe ever love me a second, i'm happy, really glad, i feel the sun shine on me and the world spinning with joy and happiness. But i know, that's just a second, because i never open my mouth to say that i love him, i never told him in 3 years, in 3 years, i'm just keep silent, let no one knows i love him, even to my diary. I'm just calling him with 'HIM'.
He never know i love him, i always watch over him, i always pray for his right condition, i ever call him the glass-heart prince. He's always getting sick in every week, weeks without sick isn't him. He's always make me afraid but he don't know, he think i'm just ordinary girl, didn't have any feeling to him, but he was so wrong, he never ask me before. I'm waiting in my silent words, waiting he know and read my heart, but he don't do those, that day, i know he's get his new girl friend, i'm so shock, he ever told me that he'll never fallin' love couse he's just wanna married just like what in Islam. But he broke his words, i can't believe it, the world just like stop spinning and now i feel my head spinning so hard then i fell down to the sadness and drowned, waiting my death.
I'm not die, yet. Still i'm alive, still i'm smile and laugh at them, in my heart i said that i'm happy for both of you. 3 years i'm wating for nothing, so i made a song, my first song for him, he listen my voice, i speak up and tell him about my heart but it was too late, now he's love his girl friend so much. Everyone say that i'm singing so nice, of course i am, that's not just ordinary song, i sing it with all my heart. That's the first time in my life i speak up about my heart. The song's hear so soft and so beautifull, and inside that song, fulfill with pain, teardrops, and untold words.
Even more he still with his girl, i never want him to broke their relationship. If i said i'm happy with my mouth, i can fool you, but if i said it in my heart, that's the true pray comes from the deepest heart of me. I don't regreted my fault, i'm happy because i make this song, i can make everyone hear my sadness, i can make him knows about my heart, i can make good score couse all of my friends so proud i can make this song, i'm really happy indeed...
The lyrics of my song isn't good enough, but it's the sadness song of me, so i named this song :

My sadness

Before i'm weak without you
I cry everynight there for you
But then i know that's all nothing
You never come to me again

For you all my love
I'll give all my all
To say, "Here all my love for you"
If you love me for me

I live in strange paradise, so i need you here
Couse i still weak without you

For you all my love
I'll give all my all
To say, "Here all my love for you"
If you love me for me
If you love me for me


The 3rd paragraph said my hope for my future, now i live in different university with him, different faculty and different place, in my university, i live alone, i've got new friends but i've no one like him here. Maybe i'll not meet him again, but... that's alright, just seeing his photo can make me smile and remember about my past with him, his way to make me show my feeling to him.... Hmm... memories
One thing which always make me sad, why he choose the most same girl just like me, i don't understand what's the different me and his girlfriend, he even ever told me that my face and my act it's just like his girlfriend, i don't know does he just want make me sad or that's the real what he feel ?
That's alright, no one would force me about him, couse his name never written in my diary's pages, none words of his name ever written in my diary. So, he's only a dream, now i'm wake up and search him but i know that's just a dream, that's why i always make story with a girl who find her prince in her dream.
I never told anyone, couse there's no one want to listen to me, no one want to hear my sadness and see back of my past, no one care about me, so that's why he's just my adoreable man. Couse no one want me to call his name, even he won't me to call his name loud.
Goodbye, perhaps you read it and come fast to me...